Sometimes in a D/s relationship you get a little more than you ask for. This can happen when you’re exploring limits, or even in daily conversations.
I tend to ask for a lot.
Master says, I’m greedy. I am. I’ve come to accept this. It is part of me that will sometimes get me into an unpredictable position –like yesterday.
Before I get into yesterday though, you need a little backstory.
Since Master has been gone I haven’t waxed my cookie. It’s been about two months or so, and I have been wanting to get my own equipent to do at home hard wax. I want to be able to wax whenever I want, instead of dropping $100 at the waxing salon, I can spend $17 on a can of hard wax.
I was starting to feel like Austin Powers and asked if I could go and get the waxing equipment before my birthday (since that was what I had said I wanted for my birthday). Master prefers to view a naked cookie during our long distance chats so He abliged. I hadn’t gotten anything yet.
Back to Yesterday
I had a simple task to do for Master when I got home. I was a little disappointed that His request was so mundane. Being the me that I am, I made it obvious I thought it was something else. Something more dynamic oriented.
Well, be careful what you ask for.
First I got a fun task to make a video demonstrating my self-ties. I love playing with his ropes and was very excited. This is amazing and fun and I got giddy with the thoughts of being tied up, until I got the next message.
You can’t play with your kitten until you feel less like Austin Powers.
No. I don’t like this. This wasn’t what I wanted. Damnit. Ok well, time to go to Sally’s Beauty.
After spending less than I would have spent to get my coochie, lip, eyebrows and inner thigh waxed at the salon: I leave Sally’s ready to tackle my Austin Power’s situation.
I was well informed, I had been waxed before and I had some directions in a box. What can possibly go wrong?
Did you know that hard wax has a magical time period where it needs to be pulled from the skin?
Too early, and the wax is too hot and it just stretches and you get no hair out. Too late and the wax bonds with your skin in some crazy wax skin ritual that requires soap, baby oil, rubbing alcohol, eye of newt, and ground lizzard bones, to get it off.
Those last two I just made up, but they may have helped. I think Voodoo would have been better at removing the hard wax than what I did.
I was doing fine in my bikini line. Plugging along like it wasn’t even a thing. It was actually less painful than the waxer lady. And I’m getting pretty cocky. I start applying thicker strips of wax.
You have to keep your skin taught to pull the hard wax off. That is easy to do on most parts of your cookie. Therefore, there were no problems.
Then I got to my labia majora.
Now I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to keep your labia skin tight and flat, but on me, bent over like a freaking pretzel, it was impossible. But instead of testing a small strip I did what my waxer used to do and put a huge strip going all the way down my right side.
This is where mistakes mere made.
I started to rip the wax and I realize that the wax isn’t coming off. I’m getting some lift, but no rip.
What the hell?
Oh great, my labia are like fucking elastic. There is nothing I can do to keep the skin tight enough to quickly rip the wax off.
I try one thing after another, and slowly I get most of the wax and hair off of my labia. But about 3 minutes into this catastrophe, there is a small square of wax stuck like cement to the top of my labia. Like stuck. Like stuck stuck.
There is hard wax stuck to my labia and it doesn’t matter how fucking hard I pull.
Time to Dr. Google the shit out of this.
Nope. I shouldn’t have done that either. All that comes up are horror stories about how women have ripped their labia while waxing their cookies. WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK? How is that even in the realm of possibilities?
That shouldn’t fucking happen.
Aparently, the skin on your outer labia is very thin and can rip very easily. So now, not only is there fucking hard wax stuck to my labia, but I can rip open my poontangs wings in the process of getting it off? I like my poontang, wings and all. Maybe I should have just not masturbated ever again. I’m not sure all of this is worth it.
None of these thoughts magically get the wax off of my pussy. I still have to get the hard wax off of my poonani. And I’m beginning to imagine the conversation at the Emergency Room as my anxiety peaks. Because either:
A. I rip my labia.
B. I cannot get the wax off and have to have some medical grade solvent applied to my pussy.
Must NOT go to ER!
I don’t have any baby oil, but I have massage oil, and I have soap. The wax is stuck to my skin and I have to get it off. So I mix up some soap and some massage oil and I start to work it arond this little square of wax.
It’s working. But it’s also ripping each hair out one at a time in the slowest way possible. As I pry the wax off my skin each hair is ripped from the follicle and it feels like pulling out a splinter. It is slow and painful. My follicles rebel with blood and I pray I’m not ripping or tearing my labia.
At the end of it I am drenched in sweat. My poor labia is the color of a stop sign. I look down and realize, to my absolute horror, I have another labia.
I wonder if I could pull off the pirate pussy look?
I had to take a break. There is no way on God’s green earth I could do anything like that again, for at least another hour. I wish I could have a glass of wine, but I’m not to drink while Master is gone. So, I just have to wait for my nerves to settle.
It’s only a two inch by one inch strip of hair and the back door left. I can do this.
I start more modest. Small strips, working my way inward. It seems to be going well and now I only have the inside of my outer labia left. Here comes my ego, I got this.
I slap of the wax and have the same fucking problem!!! NO! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!
I did everything right. I didn’t wait too long, I didn’t put on a super wide strip. Why is the wax stuck? It’s at the top of my labia, like the exact spot that it got stuck last time.
Fuck. My. Life.
I know what to do this time so it only takes me about 5-minutes to get the wax off. But it is not any less excruciating.
Now my cookie looks like an angry lobster claw.
Time for the back door. For which, I immediately wax my cheeks together. I lost my grip on my booty and slap, now there is wax on both sides of my rosebud. Luckily none of the wax made onto my rosebud.
I start laughing, because at this point, 2-hours into my waxing escapade, my full Brazilian wax has turned into a calamity of errors.
Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. And now I have to figure out how to unglue my butt cheeks together before the fucking wax sticks to my butt like it did to my poor pussy lips.
Lucky for me it came off, relatively easily. None the worse for the wear. Though it needs a few more strips to get any actual hair off.
Now, my cookie looks like it’s received a beating. It needs lots of love and cuddles and cream and oils.
I survived. I have to go get a razor to scrape the wax off of my tile. But I no longer feel like Austin Powers.
I am no esthetician. Mad props to the estheticians out there. They know the tricks of the labia waxing that I need to know. Because I’m not looking forward to my next full Brazilian wax.
At least I can masturbate again, when my pussy isn’t quite so tender. I have a whole new knowledge of my anatomy. I understand just how elastic my outer labia are. I also know they are delicate little protectors of my vagina.
Moral of the story: when you’re greedy, you get hard wax stuck to your cunt and get to contemplate emergency room visits.